How old are you? Do you find that you communicate better with people of your own age, or not? What’s it like interacting with colleagues who are significantly older or younger than you? Even if you communicate effectively with people of an older or younger generation, the experience is probably different from the way you communicate with people your own age. And it’s that difference which has led to L&D and HR professionals asking me about intergenerational communication. Any breakdown in communication at work is damaging but when there’s communication breakdown between generations there are additional factors to consider.
Mind your language
Language is fluid. Our way of speaking and writing is constantly evolving. Yet I am struck by how much terminology impacts intergenerational communication. A ‘wrong’ word or phrase can put up barriers and distract from our message.
I’m 59, fast approaching sixty, and that makes me a ‘Baby Boomer’ – just! I confess that when people started addressing me electronically with ‘Hey Catherine!’ I was a bit taken aback. I’d already moved from ‘Dear First name’ to a more informal and friendly (as I thought) ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello So-and-So’, but ‘Hey!’ was a step too far to me. (Something about the exclamation mark makes me shudder). Why did even complete strangers hail me in writing in this way? But I started to encounter it regularly in WhatsApp and text messages, as well as in emails, and gradually I am becoming used to it (though I still can’t quite bring myself to begin my own messages with Hey!) But why do I have this reaction? After all, the generation before me would have been appalled at the way I casually use people’s first names instead of addressing them with their title and last name. It’s only when you take a moment to reflect on this that you realise that it’s ridiculous to object to modern changes in language. Minding our language means acknowledging its fluidity and rather wonderful transformations. But if you want to get your ideas across effectively, in any type of communication, it’s important to ‘know your audience’, so taking care not to alienate people unnecessarily by using terminology that they won’t warm to is important. In the past, salespeople have lost business from me because they started with ‘Hey!’ Just saying!
TLDR
Too Long Didn’t Read. When I first came across this quite a while ago, first I was confused, then astonished. If you don’t want to read something because it’s irrelevant or unhelpful to your needs, that’s fine. But why would you not read something simply because it’s too long? My Baby Boomer brain couldn’t compute this. If it’s worth reading, it’s worth reading. Even when you’re busy and under pressure, if something is useful, you still need to concentrate and read it. But that’s my generational bias. And one of the things I’ve learned over the years is that your way isn’t the only way. Other ways are valid too. We need to be aware of our bias and question how this impacts the effectiveness of our intergenerational communication.
Challenging our expectations
It’s all too easy to expect others to behave like you do. If you prefer to communicate via text message, a phone call might seem a waste of time, or potentially, a stressful experience for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable speaking on the telephone. But for another person, a text is incomplete and even rude, whereas a telephone conversation can prompt a useful dialogue and cover so much more! An older colleague might get exasperated because they don’t get replies to their emails, yet a younger person might favour instant messaging or prefer regular short and snappy exchanges rather than longer, wordy communications which they find tedious.
Of course, the purpose and nature of your communication should influence the channel you use, but it’s also valuable to consider the preferences of the person you’re communicating with. Someone who hates using the telephone isn’t likely to be very forthcoming over the phone, whereas you could get useful input from that same person via contributions in ‘Chat’ in an online session, or via an internal instant messaging service, for example.
As more and more new cohorts of school leavers and university graduates enter the workforce in the coming years, this type of consideration will be especially relevant in relation to Covid experiences, when younger people became used to communicating almost exclusively on their smartphones.
Unhelpful labels
I mentioned before that I just make it into the Baby boomer category. I need to communicate with people who are badged as Millennials, Gen X and Gen Y. But labels are generally unhelpful. Nobody inhabits a label. We are all on a spectrum with a tendency to behave in one way more than another to a greater or lesser extent, but never exclusively so. It’s a mistake to think that someone who is senior in years isn’t interested in the latest technology. It might be more difficult for older colleagues to adapt quickly to technological changes, but it might also be true that a young employee finds rapid change unsettling and wants to stick with a particular way of performing a task, particularly if they are neurodivergent. My view is that it’s best not to worry about the labels. Don’t make assumptions about how someone will communicate, based on whether they are ‘Gen X’. Gen Y’ a ‘Millennial’ or a ‘Baby Boomer’. Bridging any communication gap between the generations means focusing on the needs and preferences of the person you are communicating with.
Treat people as individuals
One of the things I learned when creating our podcast ‘Neurodiversity: Beyond Box Ticking’ with Dr Samantha Friedman is that it’s so important to treat people as individuals. Many of the key messages from the work done on neurodiversity in the workplace also apply to cross generational communication. It’s helpful to ask people how they prefer to receive information from you. And let them know the best way for them to provide you with what you need. By sharing your preferences, you encourage a proper exchange and indicate a willingness to address any issues and learn from each other. Honest Conversations is the topic of one of our interactive Skills Challenges and emotional intelligence has a role here too (see our podcasts on ‘Talking about Feelings at Work’ and ‘Improving Working Relationships’ with Sukh Pabial). It’s only when people feel confident enough to reveal their thoughts and feelings do you build the trust which ultimately leads to valuable dialogue.
Not so mysterious
Once we recognise that each of us is an individual human being, with needs, wants and desires, with our own preferences, vulnerabilities and pressures, we are better placed to communicate more effectively with anyone, of any age. This requires empathy but that’s a skill that’s valuable in all types of human interaction and in developing strong interpersonal skills.
Good communication is about building rapport, asking questions and being a good listener, as well as being able to present your ideas clearly. Putting our own biases and judgements aside when interacting with others is hard. But trying to do it consciously when interacting with people who are different from us, whether that’s in age or in any other way, reaps big rewards in understanding.
It might not always be easy, but effective intergenerational communication isn’t so mysterious after all. We already know what we need to do. The question is, how hard do we try?
Catherine de Salvo
1 October 2024
You can contact Catherine at catherine@scottbradbury.co.uk or via LinkedIn
For a free trial of WATCH & GO® resources on communication skills and much more, please go to: https://www.scottbradbury.co.uk/free-trial/
Scott Bradbury WATCH & GO® resources that are relevant to this article:
Talking about Feelings at Work
Improving Working Relationships